The Light Side of the Moon Rewrite is finished!

So I finished the rewrite of The Light Side of the Moon!!! Huzahh!!! 

Rosie thinks I over use the words: “picked up” so she’s checking out the Thesaurus.

I send it back to 48Fourteen  today, I hope they like it.

While I was worried about word count, but ended getting it at 118,000 words which is in the high end of 48Fourteen publishable zone–but at least its in it! Also I’ve seven deleted scenes once we find out The Light Side of the Moon’s final fate.

Since many authors might wonder doing a full rewrite is like: here is everything that changed.

One of the issues was the work was too episodic, so after reading my feedback emails, I basically decided I needed to write out a “mission” sentence.

Note this is not an elevator pitch, but it tells me what the book is about: Five people of different castes will journey to the moon and work to build a utopian society out of a prison colony.

In every scene, I asked myself: does it fit with the story?

The original book was over 80 chapters, I got it down to 47.

While some chapters were unneeded, I also ended up combining chapters. I had too many “dialogue chapters” when I could just added important dialogue to chapters when more action was going on.  I also need to add to five chapters in order to make them transition to the next part of the novel.

I rewrote the first five chapters from the beginning. While Ellie and Ian’s stories didn’t change too much in overall plot, I made sure that the other important character’s motivation was much more clear, added richer description. The other thing I did was double check everything. Placement of the colony, German and French swearing, etc.

I’m conflicted about writing this next part, but it was amazing how many people wanted to help–and didn’t.  I made a decision after I got my feedback from my publisher that I needed another POV. Everyone basically told me I was wrong. They told me to cut Mr. Johnson and Theodore Kessler POV’s though I knew I needed them. I got to the point where I asked a few friends if I could talk out some of my questionable chapters. The POV was not my question! Instead of listening–they kept talking. Worse, they were telling me things that were opposite to what my publisher said. If someone has a problem they ask to talk out: shut up and listen!

Authors, you need to do to reach your readers and explore your world’s themes–do it! That doesn’t mean all your words and ideas are gold, but it does mean sticking to your guns.

Finally, one of my worse writing habits is “fixing the sentence” but forgetting to take out the problem word, so I used Grammarly  chapter by chapter.  Then I re-read the entire manuscript aloud.

I got my feedback letter on March 28th, the entire rewrite took me nearly four months. Of course, who knows? My book still might not be what 48Fourteen is looking for, but it is the story I want to tell.

Vote for the Title for Other Systems #2

Anyone who has been following my updates, know that I have been working on Other Systems #2. I have been playing with titles and just wondered  if anyone wants to vote on it!

Here are your options:

1) Other Systems: Lift

2) Other Systems: Reach

3) Other Systems: Divergence

Feel free to answer in the comments….and if anyone has any other ideas let me know… if someone comes up with something really good, you will be acknowledged in the book and you will get a free signed copy when it comes out.

Book 2’s prologue begins with Ian, a young English boy who lied to his mother in order to undergo the testing. When a Kiposi officer informs  his parents that he has been chosen, his father strikes him. However due to his mother’s tears, Ian decides to stay behind.

“Mum, please don’t cry,” he said. “I just wanted to explore the option. I wasn’t ever planning on really going. Dad, tell her. Look. Please look at me.”

He showed them the boarding pass and little booklet. “See!” And he opened the methane stove and tossed them on to the flame. For a moment, Ian considered putting his hand back into the stove, but the paper blackened and crinkled then turned to ash. His chance for the new Eden had been lost forever.

After the Kiposi leave with the second generation colonists, the book moves to Seattle. Reader’s may remember Mr. Alexander Johnson and Ray Boyd Lei from the first book, but the story mainly follows Ellie Rao Kessler one of Abby’s charges from the library.

Mr. Alexander Johnson heard the excitement mingled with sadness in his assistant’s voice as Abigail gave her resignation. She might miss working with him, but her eyes sparkled about her coming adventure.

“May God be with you, Miss Boyd Lei,” he said before he disconnected his vidscreen with a shaky hand. A few days ago when the Cloud reported the Kiposi were looking for second-generation colonists: he had known Abigail and Orchid would be chosen for the trip. The Boyd Lei girls were so bright. Their mother was beautiful. Their father was intelligent, far more than his station required. They cared about the betterment of his children and struggled to keep them in school as long as possible. A few days ago when the Cloud reported the Kiposi were looking for a generation of young colonists: he had known Abigail, Orchid, Jin, and Ray would all be welcome on a new planet.

For a moment, he felt a bit jealous. He was old. They would only take people between twelve and thirty. 

****

A frazzled Madam Cho Rao and her three small children were peeking inside the windows and knocking on the door. Madam Cho Rao had let her library membership expire a year ago after her husband “passed away,” but Alexander could never turn her or the children away.

“I was afraid no one would be here,” Madam Cho Rao said softly.

“Mr. Johnson, where’s Miss Boyd Lei?” Little Ellie asked. Her tiny hands formed into fists. “She’s supposed to be here!”

“Miss Boyd Lei went to a far away place called Kipos, she and her siblings were all invited,” Alexander explained. More to Madam Cho Rao than to Ellie.

Ellie’s lips started quivering. “Orchid too?”

“Yes,” Alexander said.

“Because the ships took them away?” Clive said excitedly, “Wow!”

“When are they coming back?” Ellie demanded. “Tomorrow?”

“They aren’t coming back,” Madam Cho Rao said softly.

“I want Miss Boyd Lei! I want Miss Boyd Lei and ORCHID!” Ellie screeched. Her pale cheeks glowing red with her toddler’s fury.

Madam Cho Rao moved to grab her, but Alexander pulled the child into a hug. He was surprised to find that even at his advanced age, he could still out maneuver an angry parent. “It’s fine, Madam, we’ll be fine. I’ll be hiring a new assistant as soon as I can.”

Madam Cho Rao looked on disapprovingly at her daughter’s tantrum, but clasped her hands together and bowed. She left quickly. She did not leave the children any lunch. She never did. She simply couldn’t afford it. 

The Kiposi left the space elevators to restart Earth’s space program, but no one really knows what to do with them. It takes seven years to form a plan. Now at age eleven, Ellie will run away from an arranged marriage and she will cross the world and even go all the way to our moon with dreams of a better life.  She will meet a young doctor with dreams of creating a utopia in the newly formed lunar prison colony.

So what do you think?